I have to be honest I have being pushing back against my calling for about three years now. After listening to the message at church today I decided it is time to heed that call. No matter if I have only one day of life left will I faithful to that calling. Having come to this point I also decided to face why I did not answer the call and take responsibility for that as well.
So what is that calling? Well I believe I have been called to a writer. Now the fuzzy part is I do not know what I am supposed to write about or even if I am to pursue it a way to make a living. These things will come into focus as time progresses. The main thing is to write.
I used to write at a place called Pondering Things and Taking Pictures. The place started as a way for me to work through the loss of my career back in 2008. When the finical meltdown happened late that year the industry I had been in for 20+ years, the Recreational Vehicle industry, almost complete died. The blog helped me look outward even as I was turning more and more inward. Yet still I did not feel it was my calling but I did write though sporadically.
From the conception of Pondering Things and Taking Pictures I had one very big and supportive fan: My Dad. He was my number one fan and encouraged me to keep writing but there was way too much background noise in my life to hear the call. Also unknown to me I would have to face many more challenges before I could hear the call.
Looking back I can see there was this desire in me that I should write everyday but after my Dad died three years ago this month I lost the want to. I actually lost the desire to do a lot of things but that is for a later time. Also the day my Pops passed my blog stats went to zero. He was not only my number one fan but apparently my only fan. I simply loss the desire to write after that, coupled with the fact I am lazy, unorganized and full of self-doubt mixed with self-loathing and fear did not help things either.
Over the next year or so I spent a lot of time outdoors honing my skills as a photographer and apparently running away from my calling. With My Bride about to enter what will be the finally stretch of Nursing school and me developing some back issues I guess I could keep running away from the call or at least postponing it till next year but today is the day. There is no better time than now to do what I should have been doing the last three years.
It is not clear yet as to what direction I will go with my writing, I am simply going to be faithful and write. To be true to one’s calling one must answer it be simply doing it. Sounds simple now but the push back I had to it was way out of proportion to the simplest of it.
I post this here so you who have become my friends and supporters of me know what has been going on. I am not leaving this blog but will be trying to find a balance between writing, being a supportive husband and friend to My Bride (today is our 23rd Wedding Anniversary), making a living and finding times of quiet and still doing my photography. Love you all ~ John